Finding My Light Through the Dark

When I started this journey, I had no idea that I found my passion and purpose. I found myself in helping others on this journey of life, moving through the chaos of everything happening around us.

Before I brought my first baby earth side, I had 3 miscarriages. I tried therapy to work through the emotions I was feeling from even my first loss. After my first session, I knew that wasn’t going to be what I needed. I didn’t feel that she truly understood me, why I was there, and what I was saying. Nor did she seem much invested in trying to help me figure it out. Truth be told, not many people have ever really understood me and what I have to say.

I pushed a lot of emotion down, and then I had 2 more miscarriages. I don’t know why and I have finally allowed myself to heal enough to find those answers. I went through all of the testing and everything came up normal. Why were we having such a hard time having a baby???

I finally had a viable pregnancy about 5 months later. It was blissful, even through all of the physical pain that came with it. I was so happy the entire time. Anxiety caught up with me towards the end. At the time, I didn’t want attention of any kind on me. It wasn’t safe (this will be a another blog post all together!). If I went into labor at work, all eyes would be on me, people would be talking about me behind my back at work, and whether it was of a positive nature or not, it didn’t feel safe.

Thankfully, that didn’t happen.

Fast forward 5 years after having my first, and after a year of trying to get pregnant again, it finally happened; not without a lot of anxiety. Things weren’t going the way I had envisioned. I didn’t want anything to do with sugar, so I lost about 50 lbs that pregnancy (We weren’t in any danger, I promise!).  The world shut down during this pregnancy. As if I didn’t have enough anxiety happening. The 3 of us had also been in an small accident towards the end of my first trimester.

After bringing this baby earth side, I learned about PPA, Postpartum Anxiety. My hormones were running haywire, my anxiety was through the roof, and after 3 months PP I couldn’t maintain weight. I was under my pre pregnancy weight after birth, I had a beautiful home birth, and everything was going so great until then. When my cycle veered its head after birth 3 months PP, my hormones went crazy. I couldn’t maintain the weight loss I had, I couldn’t pump milk, and I didn’t have the outside support I thought I did.

Then I found Reiki with my healer. I found someone that understood me and listened and really connected with me in a soul level. That was it, I was hooked. I talked Chris into seeing her as well. Fast forward 4 years later, and here we are. Reiki Masters, always refining our craft, adding to our skills to help others with the same things we have gone through. My body is releasing the weight it doesn’t need with ease (this was not at all the experience I had throughout my life), my hormones started to regulate again, and although I knew I didn’t want to have another baby, I didn’t have the feeling of going into the fetal position, ugly crying, if I happen to get pregnant again (that’s what really made me seek out alternative healing).

I learned how my emotions are tied to everything I was moving through and how important it was to allow myself to move through the dark to find the light.  

Those that are here to heal go through some of the most emotional turmoil possible for the life they decided to come into. Why? Because we can understand others that will endure the same or similar things and allow the connection that is needed for each person as an individual. The wonderful thing about energy work is that you are supported physically, mentally, spiritually, on all planes of existence, in all fields of energy, making it feel possible to come out the other side.